My husband and I volunteered to help my best friend and her husband move a few months ago. My best friends in-laws were also helping. After the organizing was completed I went to pick up a box and the father-in-law promptly removed it from my hands and said, "you're a girl you shouldn't be lifting things"
My quick instinct would be to take offense, but I didn't. He didn't mean anything mean or hurtful by it. Part of his definition of the female gender was that the males do the heavy lifting. In his minds eye he was being a gentleman and setting a good example for my husband and his son.
Gender is a very broad topic with a lot of instances of possible conflict, especially since it is redefined throughout time. My husband, being a younger male of a different generation has absolutely no qualms with handing me a box and expecting me to lift heavy items. The father-in-law wasn't being sexist, in my opinion, or trying to keep me down. He just honestly doesn't believe women should have to lift heavy boxes (I know because I literally asked him why he didn't want me helping with the lifting).
Is this socially acceptable? Depends on what age group, location, and situation of society you are part of. There are so many subtleties to take into account. Does it make me less of a woman if I honor the father-on-laws wishes of not helping with the lifting? Does it make me rude to blatantly disregard his wishes? I don't know what the exact right answer was, but I tried to find a compromise. I know i'm strong, my husband and friends know I'm strong and capable and I had nothing to prove. So, I stuck with organizing items, moving everything outside ready for the men to put in the moving truck, and going with my best friend to get lunch for everyone (the father-in-law paid). Men and women have different gender roles at different times. As the book does a good job of pointing out, they are fluid not set in stone.
"You're a girl, you shouldn't be lifting heavy things," is a sexist statement. I'm sure he didn't mean to be rude but dismissing it because he is of an older generation does not make it less sexist. That's like saying a white man in the height of slavery wasn't being racist because he sincerely and wholeheartedly believed blacks were inferior. I would have done the same thing; I would not have argued and gone to organize things. But the fact remains that sexist is sexist regardless of how nice a person is trying to be.
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I didn't see a name on this post? You can't get credit for posting without a name.
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